My sister posted this on the facebones today.

It's true...all of it.

This is my mom. This is my mom before she was a wife. This is my mom before she had kids. Before her eldest son had cancer. Before her middle son was diagnosed with autism. Before she was told she couldn’t have more kids because it would be life threatening. This is my mom before she got pregnant with her third child (the most beautiful baby girl). This is my mom who laid down to rest her eyes, heard my brother’s bus honk it’s horn and half asleep went running through a sliding glass door. This is my mom before I found her lying in shattered glass, before she yelled at me to make sure I got my brother off the bus. This is my mom before her three kids would be the most important thing in her life. This is my mom before her son accidentally set our house on fire. This is my mom before she saved our house from burning to the ground. This is my mom before she was a bookkeeper, an art teacher, a choir singer (and a fireman apparently). This is my mom before she grew the most beautiful flower garden in our backyard. Before she would make us dinner every night. This is my mom before she bandaged knees, overcame tantrums and wiped away tears. This is my mom before breast cancer. This is my mom before she drove us to every practice, every game, every birthday party, every roller skating rink. This is my mom before she sat through Doug’s chemotherapy. Before his radiation. This is my mom before Jimmy died. This is my mom before her adult children cried to her about lost friends, lost loves and a lost pregnancy. This is my mom before she became a grandmother. Before she retired. This is my mom before she became the most influential woman in our lives. Happy Mother's day everyday.

This is a portion of the death notice I wrote for my mom:

She loved singing, animals, ice cold Pepsi, her many friends and her family. She was the best mom anyone ever had.

Your mother & my grandmother could have walked in the same shoes. Pepsi drinkers

I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall
Thinking about everything
But then again I was thinking about nothing
And then my mom came in and I didn't even know she was there

She called my name and I didn't even hear it
And then she started screaming, 'Hockey Gay, Hockey Gay'
And I go, 'What, what's the matter''
And she goes, 'What's the matter with you''

I go, 'There's nothing wrong, mom'
And she goes, 'Don't tell me that, you're on drugs'
I go, 'No, mom, I'm not on drugs, I'm okay
I was just thinking you know, why don't you get me a Pepsi'

And she goes, 'No, you're on drugs
I go, 'Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking'
She goes, 'No you're not thinking, you're on drugs
Normal people don't act that way'

I go, 'Mom just give me a Pepsi, please'
All I want is a Pepsi and she wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi
And she wouldn't give it to me, just a Pepsi

The apple doesnt fall far from the tree.


Doug, how did you start that fire?

My mother is still alive but my grandmother is the woman who I consider to be my mother. She did so many things for me and gave me so much knowledge and I didn't understand or appreciate most of it until I was much older. I love her more than I could ever express words. Mother's Day has been a little tough for me since she passed. As is having a kid that she'll never get to physically meet.

My grandmother was a very complex and proud woman that let very few people in. To understand her you had to understand where she came from. She grew up in the deep south (Arkansas) 4 years after women got the right to vote. She was the youngest girl and the 2nd youngest of 6 kids. Her father was an alcoholic with a bad gambling habit and he would often verbally and physically abuse her because she was the darkest of all his kids. During the great depression there were MANY nights that she went to bed hungry or she had to literally fight for food. She dealt with the type of racism you only read about in books but she fought back. She was eventually sent to Chicago on a train because she shot a white man that attacked her.

I could count on 2 fingers the number of times I saw her cry before she got sick and I never heard her complain about anything. "The Lord's will" was her response to death or any trying time. She was a fighter literally and figuratively. She never bit and tongue or had an issue throwing a punch even when women of any color wasn't supposed to behave that way. When you got to know her you realized those things were nothing more than defense mechanism for survival. She had a heart of gold but she protected it like Fort Knox. She absolutely loved kids and her family even if she didn't always use the right words to express it. She donated thousands to needy kids and allowed any family member in need to stay in her home for free and as long as they needed to. Her weakness were those evangelical scam artists. Because of her faith they managed to take even more money from her and would often send her nothing more than a piece of yarn.

She was very sensitive about her skin color and married a man that was very light skinned. She had views about whites that may differ from mine but I don't think she hated them despite the things she had to endure in life. She loved her white son-in-law so that probably helped too.

Despite a diet filled with high fat foods and Doritos and Pepsi every day for decades she had no health issues before Alzheimer's showed up.

She loved her husband and mother so much that not even Alzheimer's could wipe away her memories of them. She also loved being a woman more than being black too. She saw Obama win in 2008 before she got sick and cried but she was also really disappointed that Hillary lost. I made a promise to her that I would support Hillary if she ran again. My disappointment on election night had a lot to do with her.