I completely understand the point you're making but I don't believe that's the case just because of divorce. You could just have 1 parent working more outside the home and that parent would also miss the same stuff. I agree not being there EVERYDAY you do miss a lot of stuff but that happens a lot in most marriages.

Divorce is bothersome. I'm sure you spend all the time you can with your kid. If you have absolute free acess to the kid and the kid to you, you have a unique relationship with your ex. If you do not, the divorce, almost by definition, provides an impediment to your relationship with your child and fundamentally alters the relationship.

I really have written nothing controversial. It's not a high horse as I neither judge nor care. It seems logical that when you miss things (and by things I don't mean big events like games, recitals, etc.) you would otherwise be present for but for the divorce the relationship has suffered.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

The point is that same thing can happen in marriages, due to numerous causes. I respect and value a lot of your opinions on this board, but can't agree with some of your comments here.

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2018
#ExtendLafleur

I agree. If my role was reversed there are a lot of things that I take for granted right now that I would really miss. However I still liken it to a father that's always on the road or works late in the office most nights. Missing those things aren't unique to divorced couples.

Not my style KS, not my style.

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2018
#ExtendLafleur

of course...My relationship with my children is impacted by my work hours and my wife has a different relationship with them than I do

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

irrelevant to the discussion

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

1. Cheating on your wife does make you a bad husband. I didn't say a majority, but what percentage of NBA players are cheating on their wives or having children out of wedlock?
2. LeBron writing a book on marriage would be quite inspirational as he has two children and has never been married.
3. I never said traveling parents were unfit or bad. I was merely saying that a person who is writing a book on parenting should be around their kids more.
4. The questions about Wade's parenting should start with: Who is raising Wade's kids when he's not around? Now that he has custody and they can't see their mom, who is mom when Wade is traveling across the country playing ball? Does Wade have a live-in girlfriend, what kind of example does that set for the kids? Would he be writing this book if he wasn't a pro athlete?

_________________
To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

The discussion is not about the impact a bad relationship between the parents has on the children, only that the absenteeism of a parent caused by a divorce negatively impacts the relationship between the child and parent

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I don't let disagreement nor a good argument get in the way of my like for people on the board.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I mistakenly thought LeBron had already gotten married. I guess he's still engaged. So take that one away from my complaints. He probably shouldnt write a book on marriage. He could write a best selling book on being in a comitted relationship since high school though, and how to overcome challenges and obstacles such as "Rashard Lewis fucked my girl, but we're cool now".

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

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2018
#ExtendLafleur

That's just not true.

The majority of divorced people I know have that situation.

No, its pretty relavent because you are pimping Married people as having a better relationship or more access, which is not always true.

And if work impedes seeing your kids and you are married, then how is it that you think divorced people miss more?

I know of NO divorced situation where one parent is cool with theother parent coming over whenever they like, hanging out as long as they want and taking the kid anytime they like. If you could handle that, why would you be divorced?

I would say, from my experience with divorced people and even more experience with the people that represent them, the most common joint agreement is switching every second weekend with holidays flip flopped and 1-2 weeks of exclusive during vacation.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

If the parents hate each other, yet stay together, isn't it quite possible that more damage is done to the children in those instances?[/quote]

irrelevant to the discussion[/quote]
No, its pretty relavent because you are pimping Married people as having a better relationship or more access, which is not always true.

And if work impedes seeing your kids and you are married, then how is it that you think divorced people miss more?[/quote]

Divorced people work AND have limitation on access.

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

When asked what's taking so long, LeBron said, "My attorney is still writing the prenup."

_________________
To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

smart man.

_________________
Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

I'd say whatever takes you away from your kids whether it's work or divorce is less than ideal. It doesn't make you bad, or unfit but it's not a positive. I would say my husband is in a sense a part time parent. He also has far more patience and special moments than I do with the kids, at least, I think so. I hope we're doing right, we do the best we can. I think I'd benefit from some time away.

Well apparently you know very few people who make it a priority to see the kid all the time. That's unfortunate

I know exactly 0 people with the every other weekends bullshit. Lots of divorced people work well together for the kids.

Perhaps you dont hear about them because they dont require lawyers to interact.


Why dont they stay married? Are you kidding? So its married or can't be in the same room with a person?

And you assume that the parent that doesn't live there sees the kid less...another incorrect assumption.

You're just way out of touch on this. You asked Hawg about a month ago how he liked his free weekends, only to be corrected by him explaining you how he's with his son all the time.

You were wrong then and yout are wrong now.


And no, divorced people dont necessarily work so much they miss time with the kids. Some do, some don't.

The point is your ridiculous thought that married people are better parents is flawed in many ways.

Several people in my family travel a lot. They're married but they see the kid way less than the divorced dads with stable stationary jobs.

There are a lot of bad or lazy parents married and divorced


But divorce is certainly not the parent crippling thing you think it is. At least not in my extensive experience with those kind of families

I know hard for my husband not to have dinners with us every night or tuck them in. I'm not sure how holidays work for divorcees but I know even when it's cooperative it's not ideal.

Yeah, that's true about divorced and married people alike.

It's very possible to see your kid as much as you would if you were married. It takes some scheduling and cooperation but its easily achieved if the parents agree.


You hear the bad stories all the time but that is not the majority. You hear those stories because guys like me and Hawg arent going around posting on facebook "Man, my daughter's mother is very cooperative. We work well together"

But the guy who cant see his kids (cant, wont) he bitches about that Caller Bob who keeps his kids away all the time.

Not to mention that many married people are unhappy and the kids suffer for it.


Married people face some issues that a divorced parent wouldnt. Every situation has its unique challenges.

Neither situation is an automatic parenting handicap though.

[quote="rogers park bryan]The point is your ridiculous thought that married people are better parents is flawed in many ways. [/quote]

You frame it that way because you have an emotional stake in the argument. I see it as a specific person relationship with his child is less optimized than the relationship that specific person would have if he were living every day with his child. I don't really see how that is either controversial or really disputable unless that specific person's presence is actually a detriment to the relationship. All the other points about work etc. is tangentially related to the argument. A person is going to work. We understand that work is a necessary thing that takes us away from a lot of things that would enrich our lives.

I think you are more stuck on my "good uncle" language. My brother lives a block away from me and hangs out with my kids just about every day.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Whhile we understand that work is a necessary thing that takes us away from a lot of things that would enrich our lives,kids don't. I deal with that occasionally. They just know dad is not around when they'd like him to be.

You sure put a lot of stock in sleeping.

Because other than that, many dads ARE living with them.

And some kids split time anyway.

Yes, some divorce situations make it hard, but you act like just being divorced is an automatic detriment. It is not.

Like I said, there are problems that come from being married and all in the same house that dont come with divorce.

Everyone has that in their lives since that bitch Eve ate the apple.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Also, dolphin you are essentially making the "stay together for the kids" argument, which we all know is a terrible idea

Absolutely.

My wife's best friend's parents hated each other, but stayed together, and their family is a mess. The husband and wife still live in the same house, and haven't spoken to each other in nearly 15 years. The whole situation makes no sense. All of their children are grown up and moved out now, so the fact they are still married is even more ridiculous. They used to be able to use the kids to communicate to each other (i.e. "Tell your mother...."), and they don't even have that anymore. How do people live like that, and even think it's a good idea?

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I am not. I am pointing out the realties of the situation. Like work, I understand people have to do what they have to do.

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

This really isn't a topic for which I have a passion either way.

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.