Ive decided that a daily report on the progress of the potentially, maybe, hopefully impending Brian Roberts trade is totally useless and dumb, so Im the best man for the job. Here is my report:

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Good afternoon Cubs fans, today is March 16th and I am kicking off my first Brian Roberts report. I started by Googling "Brian Roberts" as any great reporter would do. You know what I discovered? The CEO of Comcast is named Brian Roberts too! Coincidence? Yes. But very interesting regardless. Did you know that Brian Roberts CEO is not just the CEO of Comcast? He is also an All-American in Squash! He earned a gold medal with the U.S. squash team in 2005 and silver medals at the 1981, 1985 and 1997 Maccabiah Games in Israel! What an amazing man! While not "squashing", he is a board member of the The Bank of New York, a chairman of CableLabs and chairman of the board of directors for the NCTA. Awards you ask? Roberts has won business and industry honors during his tenure. Institutional Investor magazine named him its top vote-getter three years straight (2004-2006) in the Cable & Satellite category of their America's Best CEOs annual survey; and also named Comcast as one of America's Most Shareholder-Friendly Companies in 2006. He was the recipient of the 2004 Humanitarian Award from the Simon Wiesenthal Center and was the 2002 Walter Kaitz Foundation Honoree of the Year for his commitment to diversity in the cable industry. The Police Athletic League of Philadelphia honored Roberts with its 2002 award for his commitment to youth programs and community partnerships.

Well, that ends today's report. I look forward to writing you again on this exciting, possible, hopeful trade for Brian Roberts to the Cubbies.

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Crystal Lake Hoffey and Brian Roberts are to BD and Michael Vick = MATCH

The more info the better keep it coming! Lets make it happen.

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"Stay out of courtrooms-but if you must go in be Well Armed and Don't compromise. You are innocent, remember that. They are guilty" -- Dr. Gonzo

Shit, did I steal a bit?

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I could write books on this if the board would like. There seems to be a new story each day/week about the Brian Roberts deal being on the verge of completion. I think I'm up to the task, but the Vick story was much more compelling.

Hoffy laid claim but BD I would love a daily Roberts update. You save the need for search engines in the local Chicago area.

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"Stay out of courtrooms-but if you must go in be Well Armed and Don't compromise. You are innocent, remember that. They are guilty" -- Dr. Gonzo

If Huffy wants to handle this task, I will concede, but if not, starting tomorrow, I may offer up Brian Roberts news.

Here is a sample Brian Roberts news update:

Rumors persist that the Cubs are Orioles continue to discuss a Brian Roberts deal. So far, nothing has been completed, and some sources indicate that if a deal is struck, it wouldn't be until late in spring training, and possibly not until after the season begins. One thing appears to be the case though - this daily distraction has hung over the Cubs spring training camp.

We can assume that Mark DeRosa will be less than pleased with a Roberts deal as he would be relegated to his utility role, and even Sweet Lou Piniella is now talking about trade rumors, recently saying, "The one thing here with our camp with these trade rumors all the time, it's been a little unsettling for a lot of these kids here," manager Lou Piniella said. "It's hard enough. It's not easy for them to come here and read their names all the time. It's not the easiest thing in the world for these kids."

As for Baltimore, they continue to be extremely patient. Former Cub Present, Andy McPhail says, "If we see what we think is a measurable upgrade over a position that makes sense for us both in the short term and the long term, that's something you look at,". "It doesn't necessarily have to be position dependent. Like everybody else, if you can find an upgrade with your pitching that makes sense for you, that's certainly something clubs will be focused on this time of year."

Finally, Brian Roberts is taking everything in stride. "I don't have a choice about thinking about it because I get asked every day. My friends call me all the time, fans yell at me about it, guys from other teams ask me about it. It's pretty much nonstop," Roberts said. "You think about it when somebody's asking, but other than that, you go about your day the same way you always do. My job is to get ready for the season, whether it's here or someplace else." "The way things are going right now, it may sound funny, but I even looked at opening day. I haven't given a thought of what it would be like in another place or here," he said. "I've always tried to live for today. I'm here right now for a reason and I'm going to make the best of every day I have here."

Thanks for handling that. Tomorrow I was planning on writing about Brian Roberts the classical guitar player. Looks a little like Gridiron, don't you think?

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Have you guys seen Hendry on TV lately?

The man has lost weight and has dark circles under those weird eyes.

I think it may be true that he's spending 24/7 on this trade.

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Where are the Cubs going
And Why Are They in a Handbasket?

Or that he's converted to crack.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Can you imagine him on crack

"We feel this is the best crack we could put out there. We are always looking for better crack but right now if we had to go into the season with this crack we'll be fine"

Frankly I am a Hendry fan but wouldn't he just be about the funniest current Chicago sports figure to picture as a drugged out hippie?

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Where are the Cubs going
And Why Are They in a Handbasket?

BREAKING NEWS.........

Mark DeRosa joined the Mully and Handley show today where he expressed his frustration over the impending trade of Brian Roberts. This is very surprising to me as Brian Roberts will not only lead the Cubs to the World Series when he joins the team, but also find a cure for several incurable forms of sexually transmitted diseases. How can Mark be so selfish to think that his good play next year could even match up to, dare I say it, The Great One. I hope Mark can accept is fate, which should start by saying 10 Hail Brian Roberts followed by saying 5 Our Brian Roberts.

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Then Murphy did an idiotic rant saying how would he react if it was Arod and that it's an upgrade.

Roberts is not that much of an upgrade over DeRo but Arod is.

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Where are the Cubs going
And Why Are They in a Handbasket?

The Brian Roberts Report - Day 2
Hoffy

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After the apparent success of yesterday's article which received really no good response as it really didnt have any good content, we forge ahead to today's report!

Brian went 2 for 3 today and committed an error. After the game, an Orioles team spokesman proclaimed that Brian Roberts did not commit the error as it would be impossible for a man of his repute. A source close to the team also reported seeing The Great One walking on water while he was showering, though I am still waiting for an official confirmation. Until next time, All Hail The Great Brian Roberts!

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Mitch, I would love to use the local chicago papers, but after I saw Phil Rogers proposing that the Orioles are looking at Juan Uribe, I fell off my chair and rocked back and forth in the fetal position:

"Might the Orioles wind up sending Brian Roberts to the White Sox, not the Cubs? They reportedly are looking at veteran middle infielders, including Juan Uribe. Roberts would be a great addition in the attempt to build a contender on the fly, but it's not clear if the Sox have any high-level prospects with which to tempt Baltimore GM Andy MacPhail. ... "

Its just a stupid statement, there is no basis for even saying the Sox are in the hunt for Roberts, and he says its not clear if the Sox have high level prospects for the Orioles. No shit sherlock, the Sox traded their prospects away for Nick Swisher. Now if he is trying to dispell a rumor, I think it could be a good article, but he is not.

I like Sullivan and Cowley, but Couch and Rogers truly suck donkey balls.

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Getting to Know Your Impending New 2008 Second Baseman

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What goes on inside the mind of the Great Brian Roberts? What are his interests? Where does he hang out? What makes this man tick? If we are to truly immerse ourselves in Brian Roberts mania, we must first understand what goes into shaping and molding this perfect baseball speciman.

Brian's favorite movie? Dumb and Dumber. This touches on the good, fun-loving nature of Brian. He can laugh, and we can laugh with him.

Brian's favorite food? Sushi. Exotic. Cold. Brian.

Brian's favorite color? Blue. A wise choice for his new adventure into the world of cubdom.

This is just a taste, a lick if you will, of who Brian Roberts the Man is. Soon, he will emerge to lead the mighty Cubs to victory! We shall bow in thanks.

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it is almost to the point where i say fuck andy mcphail and fuck the baltimore orioles. keep him. mcphail think he is trading babe fucking ruth or what? pick the prospects you want that probably will never make it anyway and lets go. otherwise i am ready to just deal with another year of wasted lead-off homers and sore hammys from soriano at the top, hacking at first-pitch fastballs.

Why is it everytime the Cubs or Sox are after someone the media makes it up the other team is too?

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Where are the Cubs going
And Why Are They in a Handbasket?

The Brian Roberts Report - Day 3
Hoffenbrau

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Well, there are 11 days to go in spring training, which means I have to potentiall write 10 more of these stupid things. Key Brian Roberts news of the day in Phil Rogers style... Juan Uribe was put on waivers today, which led Score White Sox guy and all around good guy Chris Rongy to speculate that it may mean the Sox could trade for Brian Roberts... Steve Rosenbloom just figured out today what has been said by enough people that I cant count by fingers alone; Lou Pinella's lineup change of Soriano to the 2 spot was a signal to Hendry to get him Brian Roberts. Thanks Steve for the revelation, keep up the good work... Brian is actually having a very good spring with 10 steals and he went 1 for 3 today... Interestingly, mlbtradereports had a story that the Nats were scouting the O's. Its only speculation, but maybe Roberts going to the Cubs ends up a three way?

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How come nobody posted information so that we could get to know the OG better?

Keep up the great job you're doing with the Brian Roberts reports.

I googled Kerry Wood last year among other Cubs names and Bears names. There are quite a few interesting people who share the name.

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Where are the Cubs going
And Why Are They in a Handbasket?

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!

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Brian Roberts is still not a Cub.

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I don't understand all the Brian Roberts love. The guy is a good fielder but .290 / 12HR / 57 RBIs isn't anywhere near the top of the class in the NL Central.

I can exclusively report my sources tell me that Lee and Ramirez and Fukudome and Soriano are not involved in any trade talks for Roberts.

Neither is Zambrano.

Most of these rumors are obviously someone picking names out of a hat from the CUbs system.

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Where are the Cubs going
And Why Are They in a Handbasket?

its his OBP and SB that id like to have, but i agree, he's no joe morgan. he is a good table-setter though. i wonder what joe morgan thinks of brian roberts?

You're only asking for trouble bringing him up around here...

Oh God no. I will NOT have Joe Morgan commenting in MY THREAD!

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The Brian Roberts Report Day 4ish - The Reports of Continued Nothingness... Continue...
by Hofferman

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Crap, I have 5 minutes to get the report in for today. Okay, here we go. 10 days left in spring training (9 by the time I finish) and still Brian Roberts is not a Cub. This writer is starting to get a little worried, not that Brian Roberts wont be coming to the Cubs, but that I will have to write this through the freaking season. Hopefully BF will just delete my account, or I will be put in a coma during the b-ball game. I digress.

Several of the reports I read today continue to claim that the Orioles still have not actually responded with ANY names as far as players they would be interested in trading to the Cubs. The rumors keep persistent; however, how something is going to get done considering the state of affairs with the Orioles is beyond my comprehension. Obviously, the Orioles still dont know where they are headed as Steve Trachsel was believed to be inserted into the starting rotation and reports are surfacing that they are looking at Juan Uribe. Jayson Stark reported that the Cubs are frustrated, which I don't doubt if the Orioles are expressing interest in a trade but not negotiating. Interestingly, if you look in articles in the Baltimore Sun, each one seems to preface any mention of lineup or positions with "if Brian Roberts is not traded to the Cubs", which should give Cubs fans some hope as I assume they are hearing some of the same stuff local reporters are hearing. Anyways thats all on the B-Rob front.

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Crap, I have competition with these updates. This guy is way ahead of me, I gotta step my game up...

http://www.thecubreporter.com/2008/03/1 ... or-history

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