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PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 7:56 pm 
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As most people know by now, I’m not a huge fan of “Kiss Cam.” But then again, I’m not really a fan of all the timeout entertainment, given how shrill and downright stupid it can be. And seeing as how I follow the Zappa school of “Love Is For Assholes,” Kiss Cam is particularly bothersome. But I accept it’s part of the American sports scene and isn’t going anywhere, and mostly just treat it as noise.

However, last night I was struck by yet another instance of the Hawks, or more to the point their gameday staff, unable to even get a finger in the wind. I don’t make every game like I used to, so I don’t know how long this has been going on. But now, Kiss Cam has an introduction from a young woman who has become something of the in-game, in-building host for all of their promotions. I can’t seem to find her name anywhere so if someone can help me via Twitter or email I’ll change this. Anyway, before Kiss Cam starts she approaches Tommy Hawk in a “Kissing Booth,” and well, you can pretty much figure out where it goes from there (he fixes the cable?). It’s nothing lurid, but it’s uncomfortable to watch this woman kiss a mascot.

I’m not sure what exactly the payoff here is supposed to be. Kiss Cam itself can be seen weird and somewhat creepy. And one day every arena is going to have to actually put a gay couple up there, but let’s save that discussion for another time.

In this current atmosphere, what exactly is gained by having this woman, clearly a little uncomfortable, kiss a mascot? And really, what is gained by having a mascot meant to entertain kids sexualized in any or slightest way? At best, it’s just awkward and weird. It could be viewed as something worse, and again there’s just no gain from it. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not anything but bad.

You’d think the NHL itself would want to put a stop to this, given that the Kings mascot is currently being sued for groping a woman, and we certainly don’t need to get into the litany of charges hurled at Benny the Bull for the bullshit he perpetrated in the very same building. You’d think someone in the Hawks organization would be aware of any of this, but then again we gave up on the Hawks have any kind of awareness long ago.


That's it, I'm alt-right now. I'm voting for Donald Trump. I'm writing in Donald Trump in elections he's not even running in. I'm screeching about "western civilization" all the time. Anything to diametrically oppose myself to "kissing an anthropomorphic bird in a dumb skit is rape culture."

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 7:59 pm 
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Curious Hair wrote:
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As most people know by now, I’m not a huge fan of “Kiss Cam.” But then again, I’m not really a fan of all the timeout entertainment, given how shrill and downright stupid it can be. And seeing as how I follow the Zappa school of “Love Is For Assholes,” Kiss Cam is particularly bothersome. But I accept it’s part of the American sports scene and isn’t going anywhere, and mostly just treat it as noise.

However, last night I was struck by yet another instance of the Hawks, or more to the point their gameday staff, unable to even get a finger in the wind. I don’t make every game like I used to, so I don’t know how long this has been going on. But now, Kiss Cam has an introduction from a young woman who has become something of the in-game, in-building host for all of their promotions. I can’t seem to find her name anywhere so if someone can help me via Twitter or email I’ll change this. Anyway, before Kiss Cam starts she approaches Tommy Hawk in a “Kissing Booth,” and well, you can pretty much figure out where it goes from there (he fixes the cable?). It’s nothing lurid, but it’s uncomfortable to watch this woman kiss a mascot.

I’m not sure what exactly the payoff here is supposed to be. Kiss Cam itself can be seen weird and somewhat creepy. And one day every arena is going to have to actually put a gay couple up there, but let’s save that discussion for another time.

In this current atmosphere, what exactly is gained by having this woman, clearly a little uncomfortable, kiss a mascot? And really, what is gained by having a mascot meant to entertain kids sexualized in any or slightest way? At best, it’s just awkward and weird. It could be viewed as something worse, and again there’s just no gain from it. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not anything but bad.

You’d think the NHL itself would want to put a stop to this, given that the Kings mascot is currently being sued for groping a woman, and we certainly don’t need to get into the litany of charges hurled at Benny the Bull for the bullshit he perpetrated in the very same building. You’d think someone in the Hawks organization would be aware of any of this, but then again we gave up on the Hawks have any kind of awareness long ago.


That's it, I'm alt-right now. I'm voting for Donald Trump. I'm writing in Donald Trump in elections he's not even running in. I'm screeching about "western civilization" all the time. Anything to diametrically oppose myself to "kissing an anthropomorphic bird in a dumb skit is rape culture."

But Benny the Bull perpetrated "bullshit" IN THE SAME BUILDING.

We're through the looking-glass, people.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:02 pm 
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I NEED AN ADULT

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:10 pm 
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that's one lucky reptile


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 10:16 pm 
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:12 am 
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If I had a time machine I'd take Fels and plop him in the second balcony of the Stadium during, like, the '82 playoffs. He would last about 2 minutes before someone smashed a fifth of CC over his head.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:12 am 
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I feel bad for Sam because his brother and dad died in quick succession and then I think Twitter broke his brain in this time of vulnerability, but trying to plumb real issues of consent out of dumb jumbotron skits at a hockey game is too dumb to excuse away.

Taking issue with Tommy Hawk on issues of (checks notes, adjusts reading glasses) rape culture is interesting because I think most people would agree that Tommy Hawk could wander into the United Center's incinerator and not be missed one bit. I don't think the Blackhawks should even have a mascot. But cultivating a decidedly adult atmosphere at Blackhawks games, as they were at the Stadium, would probably yield something ten times more problematic than doing a skit where a girl kisses a goofy sports mascot. So if letting 300-level drunks entertain themselves is out and we're contemptuous of anything McDonough comes up with, like...what do you want them to do at games? Because news flash: they're not going to entertain people at stoppages by having a black guy say "mayo too spicy for the Dallas Stars" and "follow these wonderful gals!"

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:28 am 
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Love their work. Not paying for it.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:01 am 
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Well, I'm open to considering it, but paying for an internet site is still terra incognita to me, not to say there's not a window of possibility

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:13 am 
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Curious Hair wrote:
Well, I'm open to considering it, but paying for an internet site is still terra incognita to me, not to say there's not a window of possibility


I agree. I have thought about getting The Athletic but haven't. Think I would start there.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:27 pm 
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Don't give those assholes a cent of your hard earned money.

Now The Athletic is worth paying for, but whatever shit Fels/McClure churn out is not worth it. In fact, you would have to pay me to read their garbage.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:32 pm 
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They showed a wide shot inside the stadium on the game feed just now and they were doing the Kiss Cam during the commercial. Problematically triggered.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:37 pm 
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I bet they didn't even show any women/PoC couples!

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:04 pm 
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Sam Fels and those broads from that Cum Town bit you posted should be forced to fight to the death.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:10 pm 
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Who ordained Young Sam as hockey expert god anyway? Fuck him.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:33 pm 
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Thoroughly enjoy their podcast every week. Easily the best analysis out there. Love their snark. I would pay a lesser amount to support them since I have gotten a lot of entertainment from them over the years but $60 a year is too much.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:49 pm 
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DAC wrote:
Thoroughly enjoy their podcast every week. Easily the best analysis out there. Love their snark. I would pay a lesser amount to support them since I have gotten a lot of entertainment from them over the years but $60 a year is too much.

They think Teuvo is the second coming . Their analysis can’t be that good .

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:03 pm 
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They love any Euro player with good tools who gets knocked over in a stiff breeze because Don Cherry wouldn't.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:15 am 
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Curious Hair wrote:
They love any Euro player with good tools who gets knocked over in a stiff breeze because Don Cherry wouldn't.

and then Jay Zawaski will come along and copy their "analysis" as his own. Since he works at 670, no one can call him out on it as no one there knows what icing is.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 04, 2017 6:22 am 
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badrogue17 wrote:
DAC wrote:
Thoroughly enjoy their podcast every week. Easily the best analysis out there. Love their snark. I would pay a lesser amount to support them since I have gotten a lot of entertainment from them over the years but $60 a year is too much.

They think Teuvo is the second coming . Their analysis can’t be that good .


Teravainen has been pretty good this year.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 04, 2017 1:15 pm 
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Ogie Oglethorpe wrote:
Curious Hair wrote:
They love any Euro player with good tools who gets knocked over in a stiff breeze because Don Cherry wouldn't.

and then Jay Zawaski will come along and copy their "analysis" as his own. Since he works at 670, no one can call him out on it as no one there knows what icing is.


Reminds me of when Jesse Rogers was doing the postgame during the early 2000s Hawks dark ages and someone made the following call:

Caller: can you tell me what icing is?
Jesse: You don't know what icing is?
Caller: No, can you tell me?
Jesse: You seriously don't know what icing is?
Caller: Yeah, I want you to tell me because you don't know, because you're a fucking idiot. (they didn't hit the dump button in time)


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 04, 2017 1:33 pm 
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Exile on Route 41 wrote:
Ogie Oglethorpe wrote:
Curious Hair wrote:
They love any Euro player with good tools who gets knocked over in a stiff breeze because Don Cherry wouldn't.

and then Jay Zawaski will come along and copy their "analysis" as his own. Since he works at 670, no one can call him out on it as no one there knows what icing is.


Reminds me of when Jesse Rogers was doing the postgame during the early 2000s Hawks dark ages and someone made the following call:

Caller: can you tell me what icing is?
Jesse: You don't know what icing is?
Caller: No, can you tell me?
Jesse: You seriously don't know what icing is?
Caller: Yeah, I want you to tell me because you don't know, because you're a fucking idiot. (they didn't hit the dump button in time)


I'm assuming he didn't answer the question after dumping the caller.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 04, 2017 1:41 pm 
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ToxicMasculinity wrote:
Exile on Route 41 wrote:
Ogie Oglethorpe wrote:
Curious Hair wrote:
They love any Euro player with good tools who gets knocked over in a stiff breeze because Don Cherry wouldn't.

and then Jay Zawaski will come along and copy their "analysis" as his own. Since he works at 670, no one can call him out on it as no one there knows what icing is.


Reminds me of when Jesse Rogers was doing the postgame during the early 2000s Hawks dark ages and someone made the following call:

Caller: can you tell me what icing is?
Jesse: You don't know what icing is?
Caller: No, can you tell me?
Jesse: You seriously don't know what icing is?
Caller: Yeah, I want you to tell me because you don't know, because you're a fucking idiot. (they didn't hit the dump button in time)


I'm assuming he didn't answer the question after dumping the caller.


Correct.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:40 am 
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All the original angles didn’t really give any indication. But living in Colorado, I had front row seats for the Colorado feed, which had an overhead angle of the goal. If you watch the video, it’s pretty clear that the puck touches Saad’s stick on its way over. So once again, the NHL can’t zip a pair of fucking sweatpants without getting its dick caught in a zipper that only they would have on a pair of fucking sweatpants.

But the most unbelievable thing about all of this is that THE NHL WAR ROOM DIDN’T HAVE THAT ANGLE. How the FUCK DOES THE WAR ROOM NOT HAVE THAT ANGLE? As a multi-billion dollar league. As a league that says over and over again that it wants to be taken seriously. As a league that waters down each and every team for the sake of faux parity to get casual fans to watch their Burger-King-toilet-after-a-cocaine-and-soft-cheese binge of a product because anyone who’s anyone knows what a burning orphanage the NHL is. How do you not have that angle?

This is a game with playoff implications for the Avalanche. Granted, the call ended up going for them, but isn’t the whole premise of the NHL that “our playoffs are the best”? And you want to overturn calls that shouldn’t be overturned because the people who make the decisions on that call don’t have the one fucking angle they need, an angle that the broadcasters for the Avalanche—who work out of the backroom of one of the 69,000 dispensaries we have on each and every fucking corner of this state—did? On what fucking planet is that acceptable?

The NHL’s integrity on things off the ice has always been a used condom dangling over a chicken-processing-plant’s open-top dumpster after a long, hard summer rain, so it’s fitting that its on-ice product, which when done right is as fulfilling as cunnilingus on top of an ice cream cake, has begun to reflect that. I hope the next strike never ends.

Fuck the NHL. Eat Arby’s.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:55 am 
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I blame Family Guy


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:01 pm 
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Kirkwood wrote:
I blame Family Guy

If anything, they're ripping off John Oliver, who himself is ripping off Family Guy. [Donald Trump/this hockey issue] is like [something that is gross] on top of [another thing that is gross] having sex with a [thing you wouldn't expect to be mentioned]!

I guess at least it's a respite from their usual routine of mixing old Boers & Bernstein bits with Weird Twitter (though there they are using Nihilist Arby's, too).

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2018 6:07 pm 
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I enjoyed that but I still am not paying for it. Enjoy their podcast.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 1:16 am 
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Trying way too hard...and failing.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 6:56 am 
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We make a lot of jokes here about guys listening to radio shows they hate, but what kind of maniac attempts to fashion a career out of writing about a team and sport he hates?

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:43 am 
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Joe Orr Road Rod wrote:
We make a lot of jokes here about guys listening to radio shows they hate, but what kind of maniac attempts to fashion a career out of writing about a team and sport he hates?

Frank

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