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PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 4:25 pm 
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Cashman wrote:
Nas wrote:
Regular Reader wrote:
Nas wrote:
Regular Reader wrote:
This thread title could've just been shortened to "Teenagers"


How did you handle boys? I thought that would be easy because I would be able to relate. My oldest son is probably the biggest brat now and he went from being by far the easiest kid to deal with to being the hardest. Not disrespectful but he does some of the dumbest shit. I can tolerate that somewhat because I did a lot of dumb shit too. The problem is what was once always straight A's turned into regular honor roll and even his first C in a half year. The kid took pride in everything and now just says what he thinks I want to hear. I'm trying a bunch of stuff but failing. I even used the black male and education card recently.


My oldest was fairly quick to pick up on things on his own and with limited exceptions, I never really worried about him. He has a lot of discipline and a gift for gab. Plus, he loves money and has worked angles & jobs for years. Plus I think it helped that he was always around other kids that talked about college since he was a pre-teen. (He knew many of my stories as well :drunken: :lol: :twisted: )

The youngest is the complete opposite, but things have dramatically changed in the last 8-10 months as he & I now talk a lot about virtually everything. He had problems in class not applying himself, and I played the same card. He thought his teacher was an asshole and had shut down. I had to point out that everyone's an asshole in one way or another, including him. When I relayed this to his teacher, we all laughed and things dramatically improved.

Sports helped a lot, same as with me, but him getting engaged in all kind of discussions has helped immeasurably. It's helped more that his mother talks to him as anything other than her baby as well.

But honestly and in retrospect, it is trial and error & I don't really know.


Yeah I'm just throwing shit at the wall daily. I took activities away when the grades slipped and even put my foot up his ass but he still didn't care. Now I'm strictly just talking with arm around the shoulder. Took away weekend visits with mom hoping that being someone glued to me changes some things. I allowed him to play flag football without a grade restriction. I hope this helps.

He was really low maintenance like your oldest son sounds like he is and I probably took it for granted that he would stay that way. Pissed I missed the shift.



Try a therapist?


My lady friend does that and that is still being considered (not her) if we don't turn things around.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 4:30 pm 
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My mom tried to make me go to a therapist when I was 10 or 11 I think. It got me more upset with her than ever. Eventually we had a nice long talk about how fun my junior high/high school and teenager years could be or how miserable she could make them for me. Then she pointed out a couple of examples of family and friends where the people fucked off in school and didn't take it seriously. I turned around my grades and got back on track. :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 4:34 pm 
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Hank Scorpio wrote:
My mom tried to make me go to a the rapist when I was 10 or 11 I think. It got me more upset with her than ever. :

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 10:27 pm 
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Caller Bob wrote:
Hank Scorpio wrote:
My mom tried to make me go to a the rapist when I was 10 or 11 I think. It got me more upset with her than ever. :

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:shock:

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 7:04 am 
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wdelaney72 wrote:

I have 2 teenage sons of my own, but they're only over part-time. My wife has 2 older kids in addition to the teenage daughter. When we first started dating her middle child was a high school jr. Good kid, but a typically, 17 yr old male. after he graduated HS we had an incident where I snapped and together we decided he needed some time at his Fathers. It was always intended to be temporary....I just had enough of him being disrespectful and unappreciative of his Mom. he was gone a month and asked when he could come back. She politely told HIM that was a conversation for 3 people to have....not two. He asked 2 more times, and she gave him the same answer. After 5 months of his Father's dumpy ass house, no groceries, and overall dead-beat idiocy...he manned up and sat us both down to come home. Everything was drastically better from that point on. He since repeatedly told me I'm more of Father to him than his own Dad. The point of all of this is.....combined households have their bumps, but I've seen some success. If the shit were to hit the fan with my step-daughter, I can confidently say I've done everything I can to make her feel loved and accepted...but at the same time, I'm not putting up with bullshit from her or my own kids....and neither is her Mother. She always has the option of another parent....and THAT she does know is not a good option.

T-bone....I hope things improve for not only your sake, but for your step-daughter's sake as well.


We hope she sees how good she had it with us after 2 weeks with her dad. I honestly hope it goes well with him but she chose to live with us this
summer because she knew we were easier going people and just took advantage of it. I believe her plan is to move back to school in a few weeks,
so getting a 600 mile buffer zone back will be nice, I'm just not sure she has enough money to make it work. We gave her 3 months of rent free and
bill free living and she blew it. Guess we will find out in two weeks. We are both hopeful that eventually things will click and she will start acting like
the adult that she so desperately wants to be treated as.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 7:10 am 
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Caller Bob wrote:
Hank Scorpio wrote:
My mom tried to make me go to a the rapist when I was 10 or 11 I think. It got me more upset with her than ever. :

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This explains a lot Hank.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 12:14 pm 
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My ex took off on us when my girls were 16 and 14. I had no idea that every single thing was an emotional struggle. Any suggestions of mine were dismissed, i had to go through 2 homecomings, proms, graduations, ass hole teenage boys, disrespect, lies, attitude, fighting on the soccer field.. all that shit on my own with those 2. Nothing but grief 24/7, and taking out their anger about their mother leaving. Basically it was " give me money, give me the car, I dont care what you say, and fuck you" I hated it, every second of every day for about 5 years. They got better about the age of 20, and now they have both apologized for what they did.
My advice is let the wife take over, stay the hell out of it until they grow up.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 1:24 pm 
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mike the tuba player wrote:
My advice is let the wife take over, stay the hell out of it until they grow up.


That's what I've been thinking.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 1:28 pm 
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It may be that Mike's sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:54 am 
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Nas,
Maybe not exactly the same situation, but I've struggled for years with my oldest on basic organization and laziness. He is an absolutely wonderful kid with plenty of intelligence but incredibly selective about using it. I've tried it all....tantrums, screaming, punishment, positive reinforcement, rewards.

Nothing has worked perfectly and one point I had to seriously consider removing him from hockey, but ultimately I did not. Rationale being....I can't take away good, positive things and hope for that to make him more productive. This ended up being the correct decision.

He's now 17 and a HS Senior...his grades ARE better. it's been a long battle but I think positive reinforcement and being consistent in explaining the "why" of decisions has been most important. I can even see that he trusts and respects me more than his mother for the simple reason that he knows I don't ask or say anything without a reason or explanation.

Sounds like you're doing all you can.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 11:41 am 
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My wife got a call just before 9pm last night from her daughter who has since moved back to the college town where she was going to school.
Apparently her car had run out of gas and she was stranded in the middle of an intersection. She had tried to take $5 out of her account to
put some gas in but the card was declined. We tried to explain the whole reason we were letting her live with us this summer was to save
money and not to party the summer away. I thought she was finally figuring things out when she announced to everyone on Facebook about
how happy she was and that she was not going back to school until next fall now so she could save some money. Guess she has a bit more
work to do on that. :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:35 pm 
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Did she end up getting gas money?

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:47 pm 
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:59 pm 
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T-Bone wrote:
My wife got a call just before 9pm last night from her daughter who has since moved back to the college town where she was going to school.
Apparently her car had run out of gas and she was stranded in the middle of an intersection. She had tried to take $5 out of her account to
put some gas in but the card was declined. We tried to explain the whole reason we were letting her live with us this summer was to save
money and not to party the summer away. I thought she was finally figuring things out when she announced to everyone on Facebook about
how happy she was and that she was not going back to school until next fall now so she could save some money. Guess she has a bit more
work to do on that. :lol:


oh man......it never ends.

The question does stand....did you cave and give her money?

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:07 pm 
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wdelaney72 wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
My wife got a call just before 9pm last night from her daughter who has since moved back to the college town where she was going to school.
Apparently her car had run out of gas and she was stranded in the middle of an intersection. She had tried to take $5 out of her account to
put some gas in but the card was declined. We tried to explain the whole reason we were letting her live with us this summer was to save
money and not to party the summer away. I thought she was finally figuring things out when she announced to everyone on Facebook about
how happy she was and that she was not going back to school until next fall now so she could save some money. Guess she has a bit more
work to do on that. :lol:


oh man......it never ends.

The question does stand....did you cave and give her money?


Her mother PayPal'd her $20. I am staying out of it. I tend to say unsympathetic and unkind things when her issues come up which makes my wife mad.
I also believe her mom is going to take money out of a meager account she has saved for her college books and such and may send that to her with explicit
instructions not to waste it on trivial things. I am not sure this is the best idea but if she is literally broke, then we can't have that. We both want her to succeed out there so that she doesn't move back here :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:06 pm 
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T-Bone wrote:
wdelaney72 wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
My wife got a call just before 9pm last night from her daughter who has since moved back to the college town where she was going to school.
Apparently her car had run out of gas and she was stranded in the middle of an intersection. She had tried to take $5 out of her account to
put some gas in but the card was declined. We tried to explain the whole reason we were letting her live with us this summer was to save
money and not to party the summer away. I thought she was finally figuring things out when she announced to everyone on Facebook about
how happy she was and that she was not going back to school until next fall now so she could save some money. Guess she has a bit more
work to do on that. :lol:


oh man......it never ends.

The question does stand....did you cave and give her money?


Her mother PayPal'd her $20. I am staying out of it. I tend to say unsympathetic and unkind things when her issues come up which makes my wife mad.
I also believe her mom is going to take money out of a meager account she has saved for her college books and such and may send that to her with explicit
instructions not to waste it on trivial things. I am not sure this is the best idea but if she is literally broke, then we can't have that. We both want her to succeed out there so that she doesn't move back here :lol:


Sometimes we need to fail in order to succeed. What does bailing someone out accomplish?


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:24 pm 
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Cashman wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
wdelaney72 wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
My wife got a call just before 9pm last night from her daughter who has since moved back to the college town where she was going to school.
Apparently her car had run out of gas and she was stranded in the middle of an intersection. She had tried to take $5 out of her account to
put some gas in but the card was declined. We tried to explain the whole reason we were letting her live with us this summer was to save
money and not to party the summer away. I thought she was finally figuring things out when she announced to everyone on Facebook about
how happy she was and that she was not going back to school until next fall now so she could save some money. Guess she has a bit more
work to do on that. :lol:


oh man......it never ends.

The question does stand....did you cave and give her money?


Her mother PayPal'd her $20. I am staying out of it. I tend to say unsympathetic and unkind things when her issues come up which makes my wife mad.
I also believe her mom is going to take money out of a meager account she has saved for her college books and such and may send that to her with explicit
instructions not to waste it on trivial things. I am not sure this is the best idea but if she is literally broke, then we can't have that. We both want her to succeed out there so that she doesn't move back here :lol:


Sometimes we need to fail in order to succeed. What does bailing someone out accomplish?

No offense to T-Bone or Mrs. T-Bone but with the thought of what a 20ish young lady without any cash and out on her own might do for cash, I think making sure she doesn't hit bottom is the right play.

She sent $20. Its not like she's funding a party life.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:25 pm 
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rogers park bryan wrote:
Cashman wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
wdelaney72 wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
My wife got a call just before 9pm last night from her daughter who has since moved back to the college town where she was going to school.
Apparently her car had run out of gas and she was stranded in the middle of an intersection. She had tried to take $5 out of her account to
put some gas in but the card was declined. We tried to explain the whole reason we were letting her live with us this summer was to save
money and not to party the summer away. I thought she was finally figuring things out when she announced to everyone on Facebook about
how happy she was and that she was not going back to school until next fall now so she could save some money. Guess she has a bit more
work to do on that. :lol:


oh man......it never ends.

The question does stand....did you cave and give her money?


Her mother PayPal'd her $20. I am staying out of it. I tend to say unsympathetic and unkind things when her issues come up which makes my wife mad.
I also believe her mom is going to take money out of a meager account she has saved for her college books and such and may send that to her with explicit
instructions not to waste it on trivial things. I am not sure this is the best idea but if she is literally broke, then we can't have that. We both want her to succeed out there so that she doesn't move back here :lol:


Sometimes we need to fail in order to succeed. What does bailing someone out accomplish?

No offense to T-Bone or Mrs. T-Bone but with the thought of what a 20ish young lady without any cash and out on her own might do for cash, I think making sure she doesn't hit bottom is the right play.

She sent $20. Its not like she's funding a party life.


My exact thoughts.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:36 pm 
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Tell her to join the Air Force after she goes broke

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:37 pm 
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Chas get out of here man!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:53 pm 
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 4:18 pm 
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Hank should send a text to his wife asking her to paypal him $20 so he can get another Arby's venison sandwich.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 4:18 pm 
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Frank Coztansa wrote:
Hank should send a text to his wife asking her to paypal him $20 so he can get another Arby's venison sandwich.


One day only!!! You missed your chance!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 4:33 pm 
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Frank Coztansa wrote:
Hank should send a text to his wife asking her to paypal him $20 so he can get another Arby's venison sandwich.


Is Hank threatening to move back into Mr./Mrs. T-Bones' basement if Mrs. T-Bone doesn't send him $20? Them cheeseheads have no gumption to succeed on their own, do they?

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:33 pm 
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Just treat your girls well and be there for them when they need you. A lot of strip clubs and porn sites out there filled with girls who's fathers didn't.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:47 pm 
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IMU wrote:
Chas get out of here man!


If I ever meet you I have to make sure I have bail money cuse you are getting a throat punch for sure.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 8:09 pm 
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I'm just glad I don't look as young or as effeminate as I used to!

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2017 8:37 am 
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ToxicMasculinity wrote:
Tell her to join the Air Force after she goes broke


This is certainly an option. We are going to have to take a real close look at this if things still don't look good by the holidays.
It's frustrating because she is not a total lost cause. This is a girl that got a 30 on her ACT but just lacks a work ethic and a lot
of common sense. She is battling depression as well which isn't helping things but she told her mother that she has not taken
her meds for it since she moved back. Brilliant move! Nothing that a little alcohol and hanging out with other immature people
won't fix.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2017 9:08 am 
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It's like depressed people make some bad choices sometimes!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2017 9:12 am 
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chaspoppcap wrote:
IMU wrote:
Chas get out of here man!


If I ever meet you I have to make sure I have bail money cuse you are getting a throat punch for sure.

That was a really stupid thing to post.

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