When I was a senior in high school I worked at service merchandise as an expiditor so I was that poor bloke that had to put that bullshit you ordered onto the conveyor belt for you to pick up and I had this boss Robert lacy who would decide to test us from time to time to see bow long it took to expedite orders and how accurate they were and he'd place fake orders to see how quick we were and he one day placed an order for an entertainment center and I hoarked that 200lb bitch over to the conveyor oy to find out that he was just testing and I had to return it and I was so pissed off that I punched what I thought was an empty box but it was actually a full box and it had no give and I shattered 4 bones in my hand and I walked out to the end of the conveyor area with fingers splayed about in unnatural directions and he saw me walking out of the warehouse and in front of a Saturday crowd of shoppers he yelled at me "what are you doing out here?" And I held up my fucked up broken hand and said I hurt myself and he sees my hand and screams "oh my god" and ran and got his car and drove me to the emergency room at roselle and weathersfield way and brought me in and I told them I was carrying a box and hit my hand on a standard as I was walking by and they paid for my injury care as it was a work injury.

Weird, I see Dolphin looking in my asshole

Did someone touch you when you were young?

Many that is true, but an incomplete statement.

Our hotel smelled like dead hooker vagina (before you ask I had gotten a detailed description from beardown)

Visiting my son for Thanksgiving and he told me my ex wife mentioned to him that back when we were first going out, I purposely feigned an accidental fall and grabbed her breasts.

I have no recollection of this incident, but if it did happen, what do I have to resign from?

[Fields will] be the starting QB on an NFL roster at the start of next season. Book It!

There will never be an effective vaccine. I'll never get one anyway.

Visiting my son for Thanksgiving and he told me my ex wife mentioned to him that back when we were first going out, I purposely feigned an accidental fall and grabbed her breasts.

I have no recollection of this incident, but if it did happen, what do I have to resign from?

Our hotel smelled like dead hooker vagina (before you ask I had gotten a detailed description from beardown)

I took a huge shit at Doug's house and Steve walked into the bathroom as I left.
Truthfully I was feeling poorly all day.
That poo had to go. Had to go. Go now man.
Poor steve.

I had to take a dump at my brother and sister-in-law's house during a holiday party. When I got finished with my business my brother-in-law rushed in and started lighting candles and spraying air freshener like a fucking madman. I got in a big argument with my wife about exactly which one of us was being rude. Her position seemed to be that I should not have taken a shit.

Visiting my son for Thanksgiving and he told me my ex wife mentioned to him that back when we were first going out, I purposely feigned an accidental fall and grabbed her breasts.

I have no recollection of this incident, but if it did happen, what do I have to resign from?

Gotta have the home field advantage. I only do that outside of the home if it's an absolute emergency

Don't think I could let you service me until you get your emotional issues in check.

Don't think I could let you service me until you get your emotional issues in check.

Probably the best way to avoid a future sexual harassment complaint.

Don't think I could let you service me until you get your emotional issues in check. A furnace is expensive.

Many that is true, but an incomplete statement.

Her position seemed to be that I should not have taken a shit.

Don't think I could let you service me until you get your emotional issues in check. A furnace is expensive.

Gotta have the home field advantage. I only do that outside of the home if it's an absolute emergency

I'm a big dumb shitlib baby

If you hate Laurence, then don't listen - don't comment. When he co-hosts the B&B show, take that day off ... listen to an old podcast of a Bernstein solo show and jerk off all day.

Ill shit anywhere. If you have me over and the urge strikes, I'll knock one out for sure. I've got nothing to hide, maybe it'll stink and maybe it won't...it is what it is. It's not like I'm cranking down in there.

I'm a big dumb shitlib baby

Fuck yeah. I’ll drop trow right in the living room if I feel like it. #Merica

Ill shit anywhere. If you have me over and the urge strikes, I'll knock one out for sure. I've got nothing to hide, maybe it'll stink and maybe it won't...it is what it is. It's not like I'm cranking down in there.

BAck in the day I had a good friend at work. I use to do my business like at 1030 in the morning and he would go use the bathroom at 11ish. Back then and still today, after I do my shit in a public setting, I just leave everything there except for flushing the shit.

Years later he thanked me for leaving the covering on the toilet. I was like what are you talking about? He use to use my toilet covering on the toilet after I was done and flushed. He did this like for 5 years. Disgusting.

I'm a big dumb shitlib baby

Only "Betas" put a paper cover over the toliet seat. Seriously. If it's not clean enough(visibly) just go to the next stall.

It was a small office w/ only one mens toilet.

Another toilet story from my past - was working at a place where this guy was in the stall taking a dump. His buddy comes in and asks if he's in there. Then they talk about how his wife made this great cake and he brought in the leftovers. The guy taking the shit asks if he can bring him some to try. The other dude comes back a few min later w/ the cake, puts it under the stall door, the dude taking a shit tastes it, says it's great and save him some, then gives it back. The guy on the outside goes ahead and starts eating it. The cake went to a guy taking a shit in a stall and back out to the other guys mouth.

People are disgusting.

What the fuck?

yes they were brotha's - not that it really matters.