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Todd Sauerbrun
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Author:  Tall Midget [ Fri Jun 02, 2006 2:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Todd Sauerbrun

One of my favorite places in Chicago used to be the old Edens Athletic Club over on Foster and Cicero. It was a big-time racquetball center in the 70s and 80s--the sport's halcyon days--and continued to draw a large contingent of competitive players until it closed last fall. A great mix of guys used to pound one another there, too--the whole spectrum of humanity was represented, from successful stockbrokers and criminal defense attorneys to cops and streets and san. guys to petty criminals and college hipsters.

What I love about racquetball is that the sport allows, even encourages, a diversity of playing styles. This means that almost anyone can play--and even succeed at a very high level--if he can perfect his style. I mean, you could be the buffest 25-year old in the city with drive serves in excess of 120 m.p.h., but you could easily find yourself getting schooled in the first round of even the most obscure of tournaments by some pot-bellied 40-something who can't run more than 10 feet without blowing out his achilles, but who doesn't need to move too much because he's got an unreturnable lob serve and a dink shot that dies in the backhand front court on every rally.

One guy who most certainly does not appreciate racquetball's more democratic features is former Bears punter (and current Bronco, I believe) Todd Sauerbrun. Sauerbrun is a high-level racquetball player, was a member at the Edens A.C., and used to compete regularly in local racquetball tournaments during his offseasons. And what a pud he is on the courts. Sure, he was a good player, but it's not like he was one of the sport's legends, a truly elite player, or even the best player at the club. But by the way he carried himself around the facility, you'd think he was six-time world champion Cliff Swain or something. No matter how many times you played him, if you saw him the next day at the club or even a half hour later in the locker room, he'd snub you, act like you didn't even exist. One of my friends played the guy over twenty times, but when he greeted him with a "How's it goin', Todd?" at a tournament, Sauerbrun simply gave him a blank stare and asked "Do I know you?" before walking away.

That jerkoff attitude is what made Sauerbrun's tournament defeats so enjoyable for so many players. As I say, Sauerbrun always brought a prima donna persona onto the court, but rarely did he deliver a game to match his drama. In my three or four years of watching him play, I never witnessed him win the open division at a tournament, but I was treated to several Chernobyl-sized meltdowns. My favorite of these was his run-in against a talented but erratic fourteen-year old player. The kid was an extremely gifted athlete, but didn't have much going on inside his head, was still a virtual string bean lacking any muscle mass or definition and sure didn't practice much. Most times, if a skilled player put enough pressure on him, he'd fold pretty easily and end up beating himself. But against Sauerbrun this kid looked like Gary freakin' Kasparov, a master tactician whose shots were as unpredictable as they were lethal. He had Sauerbrun looking the wrong way all the time, moving back when he should've been moving up, and lunging at shadows. The match was a thing of beauty.

The kid was picking Sauerbrun apart, exposing his every weakness, and Sauerbrun was painfully aware of this fact. At first, he struggled to get back into the game by talking to himself, slapping himself in the face, and so on. But his attempts to psyche himself up only seemed to agitate him even further when the occasion really called for a zen-like calmness. Maybe football players can't muster this kind of placidity in the face of fierce competition or maybe Sauerbrun was experiencing some 'roid rage. Whatever the case, the guy's hostility was seeping out of his every pore, egging him on to new levels of theatrical violence. Once he realized he couldn't intimidate the undersized high school freshman by staring him down or erupting into profane outbursts after closely contested points, he really went bonkers. First he went to work on his protective glasses, repeatedly hurtling them against the concrete walls, until they shattered, an incident which delayed the game. Next he went to work on his $250+ racquets, treating them like sledge hammers on the walls and hardwood floor until he cracked them, too. He must've broken three or four this way and was using a pretty crappy backup racquet during the final points.

By the end of the match, a seemingly empty-headed slivery teenager had reduced Todd to a sweating mass of profane anger, a guy who seemed to hate everything and everyone around him, including himself. As he rushed off the court--after foregoing the customary end-of-match handshake--all he could do was look up at the spectator's section and tell the onlookers to "fu*k off". To me, this match, and particularly his behavior at its end, captures the essence of Sauerbrun's personality. What a jerk. But the match sure was fun to watch.

Author:  Chowderhead MacSwain [ Wed Jun 28, 2006 1:42 pm ]
Post subject: 

I had a Tattoo done by the same guy who put the string of barbed wire around hid biceps. The artist told me Toddy cried like a baby for the entire 45 minutes he was under the needle.

Author:  hawkeye [ Wed Jun 28, 2006 1:51 pm ]
Post subject: 

Great story and a great reflection of what a true pud that guy was/is.

Author:  Furious Styles [ Fri Jun 30, 2006 1:59 pm ]
Post subject: 

awesome.

Author:  Tall Midget [ Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Actually, I found the thread, Frank. Hope you still enjoy the story.

Author:  RFDC [ Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

hawkeye and furious styles rarely come around anymore. :?

Great story tho.

Author:  Frank Coztansa [ Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

:lol: :lol: :lol: Awesome!

Well done, TM!!

Author:  bigfan [ Mon Nov 08, 2010 10:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

There was a reason his teammates pinned him down and cut his hair

Author:  redskingreg [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

And here's a bump for the racquetball story. Well done, TM. :lol:

Author:  Hatchetman [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

sounds like todd would fit in perfectly around here.

Author:  good dolphin [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.

Author:  Hawg Ass [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

good dolphin wrote:
My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  Nas [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Hawg Ass wrote:
good dolphin wrote:
My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.

:lol: :lol: :lol:


+ :lol:

Author:  DannyB [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

redskingreg wrote:
And here's a bump for the racquetball story. Well done, TM. :lol:


Epic Sauerbrun story. I had heard about him but never saw him in person. Someone over at an apparent Carolina Panthers website has been thinking very deeply about What Todd Sauerbrun Means to the World.

http://cover32.com/panthers/2014/04/30/ ... sauerbrun/

Author:  good dolphin [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Hawg Ass wrote:
good dolphin wrote:
My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.

:lol: :lol: :lol:


story is 100% truth, including that Pinocchio analogy...I can still kind of picture one of the women bending over in front of a long row of sinks to get closer to the mirror so that she could apply eyeliner.

In a less erotic scene from the club, one day my brother and I got into a fight. I chased him and he ran out of the room. The carpeting was very slippery and I chased him into some cubist type of furniture. He split the skin between his lip and nose. They had to go try to find my parents but I was still at the age where when someone asked for my parents name I could still only answer "mom and dad". So, these kids are panicking, knowing they weren't doing their job watching me, my brother is a bloody mess wailing in pain and I'm standing there wondering what shitstorm is going to befall me.

Author:  Douchebag [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

How the hell was he chosen in the second round of the draft? That seems monumentally stupid, and I don't even consider myself a football guy. Do teams even normally draft punters? I thought most were just signed off the street.

Author:  Ed_from_Lisle [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Was at a place called Entourage in Schaumburg about 5 years ago. Great place that has since closed.

Took a woman I had been dating for about a year. We headed to the bar first. After ordering our drinks, I notice a guy at the other end of the bar wearing a baseball hat backwards with about 5 or 6 empty rocks glasses in front of him. Dude was enjoying himself. Upon further review, it was Todd "Hang Time" Sauerbrun.

While this wasn't a jacket/tie place, it was definitely notches above wearing a goddamn baseball hat, regardless of whether it was facing front or back. I muttered to my date that it was in fact Sauerbrun. She couldn't have cared less.

As it turns out, every time I would face my date to talk, my back would be to him. At which point, he would motion to my date to come over and sit by him. How do I know these gestures were directed at my date? There wasn't anyone else on our side of the bar. It got to be so awkward that the bartender apologized to us. This came as news to me, as I was unaware of his drunken advances. He got more and more aggressive about it too. At one point, he upped the ante with the hand gestures and mouthed something to the effect of how he wanted to have relations with her.

When the bartender apologized, I asked for what. When she told me about what was going on, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. However, I was in my early 40s at the time, and definitely not as drunk as Sauerbrun was, so I wasn't about to escalate the situation. Oh, and he was still in pretty good shape and would've easily kicked my ass. So, there's that too.

Long story longer...they cut off Sauerbrun but didn't call him a cab. They allowed him to drive home. Nice! I was told this by the manager, who also came over to us once we were seated and apologized. I got a gift card for the trouble, but the place closed before I could use it.

True story...

Author:  Don Tiny [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

good dolphin wrote:
Hawg Ass wrote:
good dolphin wrote:
My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.

:lol: :lol: :lol:


story is 100% truth, including that Pinocchio analogy...I can still kind of picture one of the women bending over in front of a long row of sinks to get closer to the mirror so that she could apply eyeliner.

In a less erotic scene from the club, one day my brother and I got into a fight. I chased him and he ran out of the room. The carpeting was very slippery and I chased him into some cubist type of furniture. He split the skin between his lip and nose. They had to go try to find my parents but I was still at the age where when someone asked for my parents name I could still only answer "mom and dad". So, these kids are panicking, knowing they weren't doing their job watching me, my brother is a bloody mess wailing in pain and I'm standing there wondering what shitstorm is going to befall me.

Image

Author:  redskingreg [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

I loved Entourage's beef wellington appetizer.

Author:  good dolphin [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Don Tiny wrote:
good dolphin wrote:
Hawg Ass wrote:
good dolphin wrote:
My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.

:lol: :lol: :lol:


story is 100% truth, including that Pinocchio analogy...I can still kind of picture one of the women bending over in front of a long row of sinks to get closer to the mirror so that she could apply eyeliner.

In a less erotic scene from the club, one day my brother and I got into a fight. I chased him and he ran out of the room. The carpeting was very slippery and I chased him into some cubist type of furniture. He split the skin between his lip and nose. They had to go try to find my parents but I was still at the age where when someone asked for my parents name I could still only answer "mom and dad". So, these kids are panicking, knowing they weren't doing their job watching me, my brother is a bloody mess wailing in pain and I'm standing there wondering what shitstorm is going to befall me.

Image


I think back and the good dolphin of today would probably think it was a den of hags. The pre pubescent good dolphin thought he had walked into a sultan's harem.

You wonder sometimes about how nature works. I had no idea what I was looking at and had no thoughts or clue about what could be done if I did. However, I knew I couldn't avert my eyes.

Author:  Ed_from_Lisle [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

redskingreg wrote:
I loved Entourage's beef wellington appetizer.


They also had a spicy spring roll.

I thought their food was excellent.

Author:  DannyB [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Yeah I'm pretty sure they still had that furniture in 1999, but the women were few and far between. At least the heterosexual ones under 40.

Author:  good dolphin [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

DannyB wrote:
Yeah I'm pretty sure they still had that furniture in 1999, but the women were few and far between. At least the heterosexual ones under 40.


lots of browns and oranges used in decorating the place...like an old school burger king or san diego padre executive suite

I knew I didn't like the 70s style even when I was living through it

Author:  DannyB [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

good dolphin wrote:
DannyB wrote:
Yeah I'm pretty sure they still had that furniture in 1999, but the women were few and far between. At least the heterosexual ones under 40.


lots of browns and oranges used in decorating the place...like an old school burger king or san diego padre executive suite

I knew I didn't like the 70s style even when I was living through it


Like the set of Too Close for Comfort but without the beauteous Lydia Cornell.

Image

Author:  spmack [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Ed_from_Lisle wrote:
Was at a place called Entourage in Schaumburg about 5 years ago. Great place that has since closed.

Took a woman I had been dating for about a year. We headed to the bar first. After ordering our drinks, I notice a guy at the other end of the bar wearing a baseball hat backwards with about 5 or 6 empty rocks glasses in front of him. Dude was enjoying himself. Upon further review, it was Todd "Hang Time" Sauerbrun.

While this wasn't a jacket/tie place, it was definitely notches above wearing a goddamn baseball hat, regardless of whether it was facing front or back. I muttered to my date that it was in fact Sauerbrun. She couldn't have cared less.

As it turns out, every time I would face my date to talk, my back would be to him. At which point, he would motion to my date to come over and sit by him. How do I know these gestures were directed at my date? There wasn't anyone else on our side of the bar. It got to be so awkward that the bartender apologized to us. This came as news to me, as I was unaware of his drunken advances. He got more and more aggressive about it too. At one point, he upped the ante with the hand gestures and mouthed something to the effect of how he wanted to have relations with her.

When the bartender apologized, I asked for what. When she told me about what was going on, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. However, I was in my early 40s at the time, and definitely not as drunk as Sauerbrun was, so I wasn't about to escalate the situation. Oh, and he was still in pretty good shape and would've easily kicked my ass. So, there's that too.

Long story longer...they cut off Sauerbrun but didn't call him a cab. They allowed him to drive home. Nice! I was told this by the manager, who also came over to us once we were seated and apologized. I got a gift card for the trouble, but the place closed before I could use it.

True story...

Pictures of the woman? Unless it's your wife. In that case, just PM those.

Author:  Ed_from_Lisle [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

spmack wrote:
Pictures of the woman?


How do you upload them from the spank bank?

Author:  Peoria Matt [ Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

good dolphin wrote:
My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.


:lol: :lol:

Author:  Spaulding [ Thu Dec 11, 2014 12:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

good dolphin wrote:
My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.


You are the oldest dolphin?

Author:  good dolphin [ Thu Dec 11, 2014 9:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Spaulding wrote:
good dolphin wrote:
My parents joined that club during my young years, which coincided with a racquetball boom. The place had a child care room, which seemed pretty sweet at the time with games and TV. However, it was not very well moderated and a young good dolphin took his younger brother and went exploring through the rest of the club. We happened into the women's locker room. Now no one gave us a second look because we were just kids, however I still remember being amazed at what I saw, even though I really had no clue what I was looking at. Raging stiffy ensued. I remember thinking that I was like Pinocchio, except when I did something I was not supposed to do, my joint grew.

These are my insights into why I am the way I am today.


You are the oldest dolphin?


no

Author:  Spaulding [ Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Todd Sauerbrun

Hmmmmm....

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