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My Dear Sweet Internet Friends,
I have agreed to host the douchebag of the week festivities this week. Parkslide is, apparently, unable to bring you the collection of douchebags that permeate our wonderful, beautiful world. Maybe he's busy making love to spmack.
Well, friends, it has come time to vote for this weeks biggest douchebag. We have a fine array of nominees, from Lesbians, to Karl Malone, from balloon toting Cubs fans, to Some Asshole at HEHS. You will find your nominees from last Friday to yesterday below. Please vote for your favorite (or least favorite) candidate. And never ever forget: Evil J.A.C.K. loves you. Loves you a lot. (Call me!)
All The Members Of This Board: good dolphin, in yet another attempt to create divisiveness and to entertain himself with the chaos of pissing matches, has nominated everyone here. apparently, there was to become sort of planned fight amongst board members, and there was a decent amount of vitriol in this thread yesterday. Not enough for old Evil J.A.C.K., as everyone is still alive today. Well, there is always next year.
spmack: sp was nominated by a fellow "brother", Kid Cairo (who has a fairly homosexual appearing MySpace page, mind you). Old Skip thinks that since spmack was threatening to unleash the fury of hell against Darkside and did not, that it makes spmack a douchebag. In the opinion of old Evil, there are many things that make spmack a douchebag, but is avoiding confrontation one of them? Or does that make him more respectable? Time for the board to decide.
Karl Malone: Karl Malone banged a 15 year old, fathered a bastard, disowned him and refuses to share his fortunes with him? Does this make him a douchebag, or a fairly average NBA player? Vote today!
A Bloody Moron of a Kid: Parkslide nominated a young lady, who was home sick from school when burglars broke in. Parky seems to think that the child should have called 911 instead of texting her Mom, who immediately called police and STILL showed up before they did. So who is the bloody moron, the kid? Or Darkside? (PS I still love you Darkside)
Some asshole at HEHS: FartsFan nominated the young pup who claimed, in graffiti, that someone would die on May 1st. I suspect spmack since he had been saying the same thing here all week long and had no alibi for yesterday. Evil J.A.C.K. says it is the modern version of pulling the fire alarm to get out of a test. Farty thinks it's pathetic. What do you think?
Women at my Work: Ugueth says that women who bring in Cubs Balloons and tie them to the desks of Cubs fans are douchebags, even though they did not include known Sox fans to the mix. We all know that Ugueth has a bit of a penis envy thing going on with those ladies at work, so it could be another manifestation of his confidence problem, but he also could be right. Does it, like, make people, like, Doucehbags when they, like, root openly for their, like, team, in plain view of the opposing, like, side? Click here if yes!
Oblivious parents, overzealous child protection worker, Mike: A man goes into a stadium, buys what he thinks is lemonade for his 7 year old, and it turns out it's booze, and that the cops see him drinking it, and that Child Protection took the child away. There is a douchebag here. Is it Mike? Is it the vendor? The Father for being so incomprehensively stupid? Are the child protection workers douchebags for taking a kid away who was not harmed in any interpretation of the word? Tell me. Tell me all about it. Then come love me.
People Who Eat Snack Wraps: Wheezeyack just does not understand the concept of a snack wrap, I suppose. My best interpretation of his bizarre rant seems to be that there is enough caloric content in said wrap that it is no longer a snack, but a meal. But should we take the advise of a man who got beat up by a guy for hitting on him? You decide.
Well, my friends, lovers and fellow board members, these are your nominees for this week. I hope you have tolerated my guest hosting duties today, and found that you can easily choose one good douchebag out of the whole bunch.
So, vote today! And remember, J.A.C.K. loves you.
Your Dear Sweet Internet Friend,
Evil J.A.C.K.
_________________
My Mother was a witch...she was burned alive
Thankless little bitch, for the tears I cried
Take her down now, don't wanna see her face.
All blistered and burnt, can't hide my disgrace.
Am I evil? Yes. I am.
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You have some messed up priorities sometimes Nas.
