About 4 months ago we started hearing this owl. It was cute and fun at first, no more. It hoots all the fucking time at all fucking hours of the night. I can't handle it anymore. How do I get rid of it? It's hooting now and it's gonna hoot at about 3am, I'm all done!!!!

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I am guessing Darko is your man

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"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

Yes. This is what is about to go down!!!!!!

Dude. Owls are our friends. They eat mice.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Recent death in the family? It's probably them. Trying to alert you to impending doom.

The fuck is this jabroni activity all about?

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

They hoot all the fucking time. No mas, no amigos!

Owl et you in on a little secret. Its not really a secret as Darkside already said it but Owls are pretty awesome. I would recommend going out by the tree and waiting for it to say whooooo. Then you say "let the dogs out". The owl will not be cool with this after a few turns and will either shut up or a neighbor will start throwing stuff at the both of you. Either way your relationship with the owl will grow and you will learn to appreciate its usefulness as an exterior, self cleaning mousetrap.

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That's my purse! I don't know you!

Federal and state crime without a nuisance permit and I don’t think hooting qualifies for that. Not even supposed to harass birds of prey.

I think if you manage to acquire a pussycat there’s a pretty good chance he’ll eventually go to the sea .

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

I'm a big fan of that owl.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

just have louder sex to drown out the hooting

I bet the owl doesn't complain when YOU wake IT up stumbling into the house at 3 am

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I did some research and it looks like an owl’s most typical natural predator is another owl. Apparently they’re territorial.

So your best bet is to go get another owl to kill the owl that’s bothering you.

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It would be chuckle worthy if Margaret Craven married Emery Moorhead and hyphenated her last name.

Is this like code for trying to hire a black market assassin to kill someone?

I can already hear Lester Holt saying, "It was an almost a perfect crime until a message board discovered a twist that nobody saw coming. Now, here's Keith Morrison with....."Who Dunnit?"

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My Maserati does 186.

"It started with an innocuous joke about a lack of electricity at a VFW hall and it ended with his lights being turned out"

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Et tu, Brute? Stepping on Baby's bit.

I haven't been drinking much lately. Sometimes I'm leaving the house a little after 3 to get to work. Been going to bed around 8.

You ever seen that movie with the smelly guy from dazed and confused and horseface are dating and that hot chick and the faggy guy from the hangover try to kill a mockingbird and when they thought they did they freakd out and tried to save it then fucked?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Failure to Launch? If that smelly guy from dazed and confused is in it, I've probably seen it. I would lick the stench off that man.

Cool.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

I was replacing a fence corner post yesterday, and had to run back to the barn to grab another tool. As I drove next to one of our vineyards, a huge, mostly white owl flew up from about three rows in. It quickly dove back to below row level, then out the end and into the corn field. It didn't stay there long, and flew up again towards our barn. Two crows were pestering it as it flew higher and higher, and it flew off toward the south. I caught a glimpse of its glide from the grapes into the corn, and its very different wing flap as it climbed away. Really cool, first time I've seen one at our place. Thanks for dropping it off over here, Spaulding!

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General Jim wears Fort Bragg down... to get it!

whaaaa??

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'Your AT&T Universal Card has arrived'? Oh God, Kick-fucking-ass, I got a Master Card! I don't believe it, man. Life is kinda cool sometimes.

I think that was an episode on the Andy Griffith show

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

That post makes sense still even though I'm sober now.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Agreed. Solid post.